Colorado Psychological Association

Peter's Story

            He was used to his father being gone on some weekends.  His mother told him jokingly that those were the times that his father went to play army. His father told him that he and the other National Guard people did more than train for battle.  He explained that he and the other soldiers trained to help people in case of disasters like hurricanes, forest fires, and tornadoes. Although Peter missed his father while he was away, he was very proud that his father was in the National Guard.  On those weekends when his father was training, he and his mother and his yellow lab, Buddy, would try to stay busy until his dad returned. They usually went out to eat at the Cracker Barrel Restaurant for dinner on the day that he came home.

            Peter's eyes brimmed with tears when he recalled the day his parents told him that his father would be going to Iraq.  He told me that he had just come home from school and that he was playing with Buddy in the front yard when his mother, Donna, asked him to come inside.  His father, Paul, had come home early from the Firestone station where he worked to talk with Peter.  They all sat at the kitchen table while his parents explained about the war in Iraq and how his father had to go and help with the fight.  In the weeks leading up to his father's departure, Peter and his dad spent as much time as possible together. He was glad that his father was there for his ninth birthday.

            During the first few months that he was in Iraq his father sent e-mails to Peter and his mother which they read at his school's library because they did not have a computer at home.  He noticed that his father needed to work on his spelling. Sometimes he and his mother had to wait in the library for a while before they left so that they could stop crying before anyone saw them. Just after Halloween his father stopped sending e-mails.  Within a week his mother received a call from his father's commanding officer. He told her that Peter's father had been severely injured when the tanker truck that he was driving from Kuwait to Baghdad hit an IED and then was struck by sniper fire.  He also told her that his dad had been airlifted to Germany where he had received preliminary treatment.  His mother was told that within a week his father would be arriving at Walter Reed Hospital where he would receive further surgery and extensive rehabilitation. She was also told that she would need to be near her husband for the next few months to provide for his needs and to assist with his rehabilitation.

            Peter and his family lived 20 miles south of Charlotte, North Carolina.  His father's family lived in Conifer, Colorado. They never had any contact with his mother's family for reasons that he did not know. Just before his mother left for Washington, D.C., Peter flew to Denver where he was met by his uncle, Jim, his aunt, Maria, and their new three-month-old baby named Marcella.  The plan was for Peter to live with Jim and Maria until his father was well enough to go home. He did not get a chance to say goodbye to his friends at school.  They could not find anyone who would keep Buddy on such short notice, so they had to take him to an animal shelter.

            Peter was referred to the Support Our Family in Arms (SOFA) program by the Family Preparedness Center at Buckley Air Force Base. It was unclear if Peter was covered by his father's mental health benefits since Paul was in the National Guard. His teacher in Conifer was worried about Peter because he had become withdrawn, lethargic, and irritable. Maria agreed to bring Peter to see me once a week for a month.  When he arrived Peter was worried about getting a shot because his aunt had told him that they were going to see a doctor.  After I explained the difference between a psychologist and a physician he relaxed a little bit. After we played Nerf basketball in my office for a while, he relaxed much more.

            During the first two sessions he described what had occurred over the last six months.  He also explained how worried he was about his dad, his mom and Buddy. He wished that he could tell his mother about how lonely he felt, but he did not want her to worry about him because she had so much to deal with as she looked after his father. He complained that Maria seemed to ignore him and that she spent all of her time babying Marcella. Peter said that although the kids at school were nice he just didn't feel like making friends because he would just have to tell them goodbye sooner or later.  He wished that Jim could spend some time with him, but his uncle left for work before Peter woke up and when Jim came home around seven in the evening he seemed very tired and interested only in watching television. Peter admitted that he felt guilty for being so dissatisfied because he knew that Jim and Maria were trying to help his family. He missed his old life.

            During the last two sessions we talked about how it would be okay for Peter to make friends even if he would be leaving soon.  We also talked about ways that he could help Maria care for Marcella so that he would not feel so isolated and so that Maria might have more time to focus on him.  I suggested that there could be ways for him to talk with his uncle even if Jim was watching television.  He could ask Jim about his work and about growing up with his father.  Finally, we discussed how things might be different when he did go home.  I explained how his father's injuries could affect his ability to work and how there might be some changes in his father's personality.  We also discussed things that he could do to be helpful to his parents and how important it would be for him to let someone know how he was feeling.

            Of course, I've changed the names and places in this account for the sake of confidentiality, but all of the other aspects are essentially true. I gave up one hour per week for a month to help Peter. I feel like I provided timely emotional support and adaptive suggestions for him that he may have not received otherwise.  It was a small sacrifice compared to the sacrifice that his father made performing his duty.

Edward Cable, Psy.D.